Spin A Tale for the Times

Just like sport and news stories, celebrity gossip must conform to established narratives. Unlike the sport narratives, these tend to be mini-narratives often based on fairy tales, that apply to the fleeting relationships of various personalities.

Take the Brad, Jen and Angelina tale.

Brad marries Jen. It's the fairytale wedding (as they always say).


Yet, just like Tom Thumb and The Snow Maiden and many other tales, the couple remain childless and this is a source of grief.

Enter seductress and siren Angelina, who lures Brad away from Jen. He appears to have newfound happiness, and the liaison overcomes what wrought the previous union marriage – childlessness.


However, cracks appear. Angelina is the siren and seductress and because of this, she has great power. She wields her power over Brad, and he resents this. This leads to the eventual end of their torrid affair.

Back to Jen. She is the heartbroken widow like figure (who like Cinderella has the audience's sypathy), who finds solace in Vince. This is another classic tale in itself.


Vince, the playboy, different-girl-every-night guy, is overcome by Jen's magic such that he puts away his player ways, and his own passion and jealousy for Jen surprises him. Karmatically, he finds himself in the very position he left his many women in.

And a word on TomKat. It is Bluebeard. The powerful, older, more experienced man seduces the young maiden, steals her virtue and with it her freedom.



He is crazy (like Bluebeard), has had many wives (like Bluebeard), keeps Katie captive in his great mansion, while enforcing a strict diet on her (so there's a bit of Pygmalion narrative there, except this time it's evil). And there are parallels to be drawn between the secrecy of Scientology and the veiled TomKitten, Suri, and the locked room containing Bluebeard's wives which Katie may not enter.

I wonder what kind of narrative another could spin for your life? Any suggestions?